sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
