well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
