Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
