Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
