Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
