period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
