Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
