Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Life is so much better after having sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
