omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
