I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
