party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
