What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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