Jerry, you need to find god
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
