Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
