apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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