I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
