and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
