Your face is a jimmy john
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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