Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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