Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
