so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
