What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
