i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
