I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
