I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
