it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
