There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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