I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
