There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
