dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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