Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
