I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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