I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I didn't notice because vodka
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
