took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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