I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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