Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
