woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
