he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
