3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
