ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
