id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
