If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
