She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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