I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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