Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
