If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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