I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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