these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
