I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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