I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
