and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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