You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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