dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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