I heard we made out
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
