I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
