So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
