I haven't been this sober since birth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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