why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
