i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
