Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
