it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
