im drinking this country out of the recession.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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