Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
