Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
