What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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