I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
