dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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