i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize