3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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