hotel room ftw
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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