it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
