I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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