OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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