I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
