my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
