That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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