Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
