i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
