he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
