my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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