why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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