my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
